...Through all the madness I almost forgot who I was. Then a bird landed on my shoulder and wispered in my ear...and I remembered.

Insomnia

Lately I've been suffering from Insomnia.
So I went to the doctor to solve my problem.

He looked me up and down, And turned me all around

And said, "Follow my instructions and this problem will bother you no longer."

So confused was I...with his actions.

But in my sleep deprived stated, I just needed some satisfaction.

As I lay there in bed, with no thought of sleep in my head,

I reached in my purse to grab my instructions.

And it said:

Should you wake and cannot sleep in your bed.

Put something nice on...my favorite color is red.

From the office go three lights down,

Turn right, I'm in the third house that's brown.

I'm sleeping  GOOOOOD since I started seeing this doctor.

To Him:

I wonder…

If you noticed the way I blush when you're around
How I always stumble on my words...when you're around
Damn...I always lose my cool...when you're around

How can I...
Let you know how I feel without seeming… easy
Without being to...forward
Without negatively crossing the borders that define us as...just friends

I wish...

You could read my mind and see my thoughts
That you could see the longing in the back of my eyes
That I could show you the WE that we COULD be if we weren't just friends

Maybe…

One day I'll be brave enough to show you what's in my heart
One day I'll be brave enough to let you look directly into my eyes
One day I'll be brave enough to tell you just how long I've been in love with you

Sincerely,

Me...

He Held Me...

It started out as such a beautiful day until the dark clouds came
It was a storm like no other storm
I was in a strange place and I was all alone
I was scared, I was lost....I was tired

As The tornado sirens blared

And The thunder roared
The rain threatened to drown to drown me and
I wondered how could I go on.

Just as my light began to dim I felt his arms around me

And He held me

When the lights when off and I couldn't see him

He saw me

When I reached out my hands in the dark and couldn't find him

He found me

And He held me...
And He held me...
And He held me...

Standing strong against the storm, never bending in the wind....

He held me...

Shielding me from the danger that was myself

He held me...

Wrapped in the strength of his arms, in the calmness of his spirit, in the warmth of his embrace

I felt safe...because He held me

I'm still here...

Because He held me

Sometimes....

Sometimes you don't realize just how blessed and loved you really are.

Sometimes we forget to show our friends and loved ones just how special they are to us.

Sometimes we hold onto so much of our hurt, anger, and resentment that we cannot see what is actually in front of us.

Sometimes we need to look within for the problem instead of blaming everyone else.

Sometimes....

“Stormy Weather”

As I stretch my arms towards the sky

The rain gently cleanses me from my leaves to my trunk

Those wonderful caresses leaves tears of joy in my eyes.

The winds blows violently,

The sky lights up with thunder and lightning.

He has brought friends to fight with me this time.

My roots dig deep within the soil daring the elements to “MOVE ME”!

My branches move but I do not break,

I do not bend ….

Only swaying back and forth…in my wild exotic dance…

For you… my jealous lover …only for you.

I grow tired of his games, his emotions gone out of control

In his mind he must have forgotten that I was once and am still a sight to behold.

I must remind him of who I am

My beauty … my strength …

All of the things that made him fall in love…mind, body and soul.

The wind continues to blow and I continue to dance leaving all who wonder by …mesmerized.

Hypnotizing them with the dip of my hip and the wiggle of my thighs.

No one can resist the urge to watch when I am doing my dance,

My style and grace are something that will put you in a trance.

Love him Yes!  But I will not change.

I’ve been ME for way to long.

You can either take it or leave it…

(I’m singing my song)

I refuse to be what I am NOT for any human being!

Suddenly the skies clear and the lightening loses its anger.

They cannot keep up this charade any longer.

Whispering through my leaves,

Blowing the Spanish moss that adorns me…

The wind…my angry unseen lover…

Promising me so much more of his magical wonders….

whispers to me…I’m sorry.

Let’s not fight anymore.

From Wife to “Army Wife”

Just over a year ago I was just a regular wife and mother. But now I am a “Army Wife”! I’m still not sure what the difference is. Other than learning a few new rules and regulations it seems the same to me. I’m still expected to be a super woman. I still have a house to clean, children to raise and a husband to please (wink).

Since I have been an official “Army Wife” I have discovered that I have a personal problem with the military wives groups, either online or in person. I don't do the bickering or back biting. I don't want to meet up and make cookies. I’m NOT going to bring my children every time we plan a get together and no offense I don’t want to see yours either... sometimes I just need a break. I don’t make friends so that our husbands can be friends. I don’t care what rank your husband is and I don’t answer questions about mine…unless I want to. I'm not going to stand out on the porch and gossip about what's happening on the block. And last but not least, please do not invite me to another dang blasted “toy party”. Heck, some things are just plain private. I don’t want to know what you do or how you are doing it.

I will however love to meet and network. Let’s have meetings of the minds, share ideas and business strategies. Is there a new play or comedy show in town…let’s go! If I can ever find those kind of like minded individuals near me I’d be a very happy person. I guess they are like me and keep to their own circles. I thank God that I was able to transform my job into a home based business. I'd go batty out here with nothing to do every day.

My husband has been military for just over a year now and I will admit that I still have quite a few issues with how things are around here. Maybe it’s just me...maybe I just don't fit in. I don't feel as though I am married to the military. I'm married to my husband and this is his “Job”. We support each other in our different activities. I work hard to maintain my separate identity from my husband AND my children. There is one promise that I made to myself years ago that I actively remind myself of everyday and that is to REMEMBER that my name was Eufayba long before it became Mom or Mrs. Touray and that Eufayba has needs, likes and dislikes that WILL be taken into consideration…this is not an option. I know you’ve heard the saying that Hell hath no fury….. Well, I’ve altered it to suite my needs. HELL HATH NO FURY THAN A PISSED OFF ME. Take heed…if the “Mom/Wife” is unhappy…then the whole house will be miserable. This attitude has really helped me since I moved on post. It seems that so many women lose their individual identities to this military life. The sole focus is on the soldier and the children. It’s rare that I strike up a conversation with another wife and it doesn't turn into a "@itch session" with tons of complaints about the way things are, the husband, the post, the town etc, etc. I’m happy that people feel as if they can talk to me, and I love to meet new people and have exciting conversations but OMG the load can get heavy at times, especially when no matter what positive spin you try to put on it they have to add a "but" to it. Good grief, you've got to remain positive...it’s not an option. So not only am I battling what’s on my mind but now I have your issues weighing heavy on my heart too. I know misery loves company but please don’t take me down with you. If I let every negative thought take root I'd be a miserable individual. That's not to say that I don't have my days...I just deal with them differently.

When my husband decided to join the military it was a “conscious decision”. I knew he would eventually be deployed, I knew that we would eventually have to move. I knew that I would be ALONE WITHOUT A MAN FOR A YEAR OR MORE. I made a “conscious decision” NOT to let this time be “HELL” for me.